Fuck appropriateness.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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