Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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