I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
