he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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