I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
