margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
