I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
