Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
