I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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