just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
two words: eviction party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
