He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
