I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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