I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
