Sry I called you an 8
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
