i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
