I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
