i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
