Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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