seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
