His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
