God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
