There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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