yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize