She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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