Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
