I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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