Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
