I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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