Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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