While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
