dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
