Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
