Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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