What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
