There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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