so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
