Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
