Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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