Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
