woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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