I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
