my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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