I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize