in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
