you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want her autograph on my taint
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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