things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
