How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
