there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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