Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You ruined the universe
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