That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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