Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
