im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize