sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was like eating out sand paper
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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