: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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