And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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