I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
