i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
