My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize