the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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