Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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