I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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