i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
