we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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