Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
