There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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