I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
